Professionals assented you to a primary reason for lobola should be to generate a stronger dating between a couple as well as their particular family members. Eliza, good 55-year-dated woman from inside the a formal ilies to one another so that they should have a very good dating and i also would be to reside in the fresh family one my loved ones knows.” Eliza’s comments together with point to new certified detection away from a romance one to lobola brings. This type of change can increase the protection that women become just like the told me because of the Khana, that has been living with their unique lover (no lobola) for nearly a decade:

Without any official identification of one’s relationship as well as the matchmaking between the two family one to lobola provides, women can be usually leftover in a condition out-of liminality and you can uncertainty since the revealed by Priscilla, a great 36-year-dated woman that has been managing their particular mate (zero lobola) to own 18 many years:

If he or she is really in love, he is always to spend lobola in order that both dad and mom could become found and you can women also can feel satisfied that they are very existence in their own personal household. In case my people didn’t shell out lobola, it indicates that we are not complete and [in-laws] dislike me personally. If the guy repaid lobola, I will be 100 % free [become confident in my updates inside the members of the family], as there are no place I’m able to go [get off the wedding], and you may my personal parents are happy regarding the me.

Although Khana’s price emphasizes the methods that lobola provides family members to one another meant for the couple, moreover it features how familial investment in the dating is limit a good woman’s power to avoid a marriage. However, lobola is intended to make sure accountability and you can obligation of your own group (especially the husband’s) into well being of your partners as well as their people. Actually, the latest signing up for regarding families to help with one or two in a period of time out-of challenge kits specialized ukelo, a good twenty seven-year-old lady that has been matchmaking their particular boyfriend having per year, described:

I treasured your a lot and i wished him to help you marry me personally

Whether it can take place that partners has disagreement, it is not easy to your wife’s moms and dads in the future for the and you can solve the problem. They may be able say, “Why are you adhering to him at the same time the partner don’t pay lobola?” Capable claim that they won’t be able to support their particular. In the event the lobola has been repaid, they are going to share with the couple to go over and you will resolve the difficulty. Both whenever she will head to their particular mothers in order to declaration they [the challenge], they can send her to correspond with their unique partner. If you have no lobola, family won’t gather and you will solve the issue. The newest lobola would be reduced therefore the group is joined.

There aren’t any good stuff [regarding the lifestyle to one another without lobola] however it is just becoming patient. Because it can occur that you feel bad that he don’t shell out lobola, or perhaps he is able to changes his brain [in the being in the relationship]. You can stick to your at the same time he has got his own agreements. Your mother and father did not get any penny. Often you can remain here at home and then you get information that partner gets hitched in the Jozi (Johannesburg), who knows! I’m always thinking about this.

Yet not, aspirational ideas on what marriage results in are not tend to met in fact, because indicated from the Hlekani, a good 23-year-old lady who has got not ever been officially partnered but lived having an earlier lover (no lobola), just who shown on her early in the day skills within her lover’s house:

At the same time I happened to be a genuine makoti. I woke right up was and you will [created good] fire whilst others were still sleep. We waiting morning meal for everybody. On the other side, you are pregnant and you’ve got to cook, at the Brazilac djevojke za brak same time the sun’s rays is actually scorching [You will find laughter]. He had been going out with his friends because sunlight incase your look at the time, you see it is at night nevertheless he or she is maybe not house. At the same time you’re planning on him therefore won’t be in a position to bed. In addition wonder inquiries, including, are the guy safe? At the same time I happened to be so troubled…. But upcoming, We ily]. I really don’t have to see other’s house as mistreated. I believe free here at house because the I actually do anything according on my tend to.